as my breasts filled your hands

and when i say i never loved you

baby i think you know i lied

doubt you i will

dont ask me

why i hiss

i could be worse

i claw, i bite, i scratch

its me

not you

or maybe it is

bacon and eggs

with warm buttered toast

waffles drowned in syrup

and giant coffee cups.

like sunday breakfast,

after eating all-bran cereal

right through the week.

anyone would see

why i could use

a little bit of him

after putting up with

too much of you.

half-hearted gestures

they dissolve,

disappearing

like snowflakes in june

though already it feels

like december again.

as we slowly move on

heavy hearted and cold

trying in vain to fill

this space inbetween

when i changed.

how i stopped

smiling with my eyes

how i let the music die

and this silence came to be 

how a nothingness

came over dreams

how memories turned to lies

and laughter into ice 

i forget.

i forget

when i changed

but baby you know

i had to forget

a little piece of me

if only to forget all of you.

for i wont be holding you

snip off my tongue

and of love i wont speak

slice up my brain

let no memories lie

chop up my heart

and no love shall remain

you are not allowed

to fuck with my head

yet again.

oh wait.

yes you are.

i wont forget

warm nights in june

and silver august moons

september,

when the leaves fell away

and how october faded to grey.

i know

we were both only trying

to do the right thing

but what did you expect?

a picnic in the park?

baby, you dont go to waterloo

and come back unscathed.

these days

is like holding my breath

underwater

eyes squeezed shut

heart in slow motion

my chest ready to burst.

but when we are done

and i’m gasping for air

i secretly wish

that you were still here.